Rough Draft

And finally, the week's over.

No use complaining how hectic the week had been now, it's over. Holidays have begun, but how long could we rest before we hit the books again. It seems that the first month wasn't quite as smooth-sailing as I expected, and it probably would get tougher as the remaining months drag by.

Things did happen over the weeks but I'm just too tired to even recall them, much less type them out. School's all about rushing homework and tests, while it seems that my free time had been used up by soccer and basketball recently. Legs are aching, arms are aching, everywhere's aching. There have been much misunderstandings too, some's been cleared, while others are still decelerating in free-fall motion. And trying to clear them all adds even more frustration to the already pressurizing secondary four life.

Well, that's all for now. I'll update again soon- if I've time, that is.

I'm rewriting everything now, I'll be back later to re-blog. Till then, homework takes first piority.

Edit-

Life has been busy, so regarding the re-blogging part, I guess it'd take a while before I actually blog about the little details of my life.

Here's proof of what's to come next that's been keeping me busy ( also a reminder to what's in store for the week ) :

#1 Physics Test.

#2 Bi-weekly Chinese Test.

#3 Napfa 2.4 km run.

#4 Pull ups.

#5 Maths project- new topic ?

#6 The start of revision ( if possible )

Note to parents:

So you see, being a student isn't that easy after all.

I'm here to do a quick post. Strangely, I've begun to blog on a regular basis. Maybe it could be the increased visitors, or maybe it could just be the boring weather.

Today went by pretty fast, I've got word I got 38/70 for chinese. I don't know if it's good or bad news, but since I can't change what's already happened, so be it. Tomorrow's pretty much a do-or-die paper for me. Since I have to pass all my tests in the year to continue taking A-Maths, I'm treating the differentiation test tomorrow as a major exam. I feel confident, but that's beside the point. I always feel confident but I end up getting more F9s than A1s. (:

The Rocket Summer took over my playlist today. Their lyrics seem to speak for me, or perhaps, the rain's clouding my thoughts.

Right, back to the books. (:

Yet another rainy day passed by, and the holiday everyone was looking forward to feels just like any ordinary day. And the raindrops seemed to mock at us as they fall towards the ground as we stare out at the window, wondering how long this rain would continue before the sun ventures out from behind the clouds.

Love songs suits rainy days perfectly, while the thoughts of you seem to make everything else colder.

And so, we continue trodding down the final paths of secondary years.

Would you be the queen of my heart ? (:

It's a Monday afternoon, rain's pouring.

I'm back from school. Homework's not as plentiful as before, the sudden change of teachers brough about a reduced amount of work. I've got no idea whether that's a good thing or not, but one thing's for sure, I've got to pass every stuff they hand me, including the very terrifying differentiation paper on thursday.

The rain doesn't look like stopping anytime now, and I suppose it would go on for ten million more years and the earth would be flooded and everyone would be living on the moon. (:

AFI's topping my songchart, Rise Against and Thrice's hot on it's heels though. Where would I be if music leave this world ? (:

Tomorrow's a public holiday, I'm most probably gonna kick a ball around the field ( also known as a sport, soccer ). I wonder who's free after that. And we could walk around town, and grab some albums and kick some tin cans down the streets.

I would take yours, if only you'd let me reach out.

Your grace has found me just as I am ,
Empty handed but alive in Your hands ;

Dear diary,

Today had been a day of praise, a day when God did his first miracle in my life.

The teacher came, it was the second period. I stared on as she entered, the words came shook my entire world. " No appeals would be accepted, and that is final. "

The third period came, and the fourth, next. My mind was a complete blank, I thought of how I'm gonna explain this whole issue to my parents, I thought of how my future's gonna be now that such an important subject had been taken away from me.

And I thought of God. I came to Him after I received the letter, I was required to drop A-Maths. I prayed, and prayed hard. He seemed to just say, don't worry, don't worry. Just like how He had answered all my prayers whenever I seek for help. Though everything always didn't turn out how I wanted, I had faith still.

Then came today. I just questioned Him, over and over again. I wanted an answer, but all that came was silence. I kept asking, where were You when I needed you so much, when I had so much faith. Are You gonna leave me just like that ? I wondered if You had even heard my prayers. My faith just faded away, into nothingness.

Recess came and passed. Humanities followed soon after. But it was not the humanities teacher that stepped in first, it was my maths teacher. She came to retreive her water bottle she had left behind, and the sight of her made me more depressed. That was, till she stopped. In her tracks and she said, " Only hansheng is allowed to continue in his A-Maths among all appeals. "

I stood there, stunned. I shouted " Yayeee ! ", and jumped for joy and hugged everyone.

And I thanked God silently, from the bottom of my heart. And I could see a gentle smile, and that was all to it.

Here I am,
Humbled by your Majesty.
Coverd by Your grace so free.

So it came, my first miracle God has done in my life, my very first prayer He answered. I just know, now that I've been so much closer to Him, it's just impossible not to see the things He has been doing in my life. I came to him in the past, only when I've played too much, and needed miracle results. But God sees our faith, and God answers it accordingly.

And here I am, thanking God. I can hear him speaking through my heart, and when my faith disappeared, He had shown me a miracle, He had granted me another chance. As if to say, hansheng, have faith always, and I'll always be there for you. (:

And now I've found,
The greatest love of all in mine.

Thank you, God.

We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage.
If love's a labour I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand.

The new year, 2006. (:

The past year hadn't exactly been a good year. I'd be lying if I say my results had been impressive. Truth is, I hadn't been working hard in my studies, and I've pretty much wasted the entire year away, just having fun outside. Family relationships hadn't worked out too well, but I'm grateful for that little peace that still exists in that little corner of the house. It's hard to pick up the pieces left over from the past, it's harder to chase back the old times.

The time with family, the time with old friends seemed to lessen a great deal all of a sudden.

So the new year has begun, and with it comes new resolutions. It seems that my whole life's been one huge mess, and I've decided it's time to set it right, or at least, clear whatever I can up.

My main priority is to start getting those darn As on my tests and examinations. Yes, I'm gonna study. Hard.
It's time to spend more time with my family, and forge closer relationships. I've no idea how I'm gonna acheive that but I'm gonna try.
To grow mature spiritually, to rise up and serve God, to be closer to Him than I've ever been.

Yes, those are the only resolution I've made and want to keep. Since this year's gonna be my O levels year, time's pretty short, so I've put my priority on these things, things that matter the most to be right now. It's time to buck up and hit the books, it's time to dive into deep seclusion to get those results up.

I'm having a headache, and I've a feeling the reason behind it is school. The pressure's settling in again, I hope I don't give in. I'm gonna pack my bag and dance my way to school tomorrow and I'll have a wide smile on my face and shout hooray.

Blimey. Time to get some sleep.

I'll show you mine if you show me yours first.
Let's compare scars and I'll tell you whose is worse.
Let unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words.

Here's to the nights we felt alive,
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry.
Here's to goodbye,
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon.

To my beloved N293 :

Evan
You're one of the friends in N293 I talked to more. (: The first time we actually talked was after cell group in Kovan, in the mrt and.. you were having another of your mood swings. There was a footprint on the floor and I tried fitting my foot in, and you smiled ! As I've said, you're a really special girl, always being tough and hard on the outside, but you're actually so soft in the inside. (: I find your smile really pretty, so stop having random mood swings and keep smiling ! Well, you're leaving for N330, and I guess we won't meet so much, I'll have one less friend to talk to now. But like you said, there's always Sunday. I'll carry your bag anytime, that is, if you stop listing out the special privileges of your school. Keep the fire burning for Christ, and I'm sure he's probably as in love with your smile as I am. (:

Sandy
Sandy, sandy, oh sandy. (: One of the few who talked to me during my first days in N293 ! I'm really grateful for well, not your bullying, but for how you always talk to me no matter what. I know, life's pretty tough for you right now, but there's always me ! And life's always much more than problems. I'm sorry about the Christmas gift, I'll find something for you I promise. Well, your chattering will go to N330 along with you, and I'll miss it. But come every Sundays, you can bully me all you want, anytime, anywhere. Though regarding the bag carrying service, I shall reconsider. (: So trust in God, and I'm sure everything's gonna be fine really soon ! (:

Joshua, Sarah
Joshua ! You're the little brother I always talk to, be it in church or during cell group meeting. Somehow, you're just so cute that we connect in a special way. I love talking to you, teasing you, playing with you, and things won't be quite the same around in N293 without you. But no matter what, let's stay as close as we are now. (: I'll sit with you whenever you're lonely and you can disturb me whenever you want to. (: Mm, Sarah. We hardly ever talk, or rather, we never did actually talk to one another. But I know the reasons for your tears during thanksgiving and.. All I can say is, God must have a special reason for this. So, uh, mushroom ? ( I wonder why everyone calls you that ) Stay cheerful and have faith ! (:

Sheryln, Wenhui, Jiayu, Szefong
The first four friends I met in N293, during the Festival of Praise, remember ? Well, I dont think anyone of you would come across my humble blog but.. It was great fun knowing you guys. I find the bunch of you as one of the craziest in N293, and the actions and comments you people made never fails to lights up a moody day. The atmosphere won't be the same without you guys, but there are still many outings we can head out together as a cell. Thanks for always talking to me when it seems that I'm always by the side feeling lonely and stuff. I appreciated it. Good luck in N330 ! (:

Nicolette, Derrick, Jicai, Dwayne
Nicolette. (: One of the closer friends in N293, I thank you for the times we've had together. There have been rumours about us, but you're always shrugging them away, and I feel that you're such a carefree person. (: Your wide smile seems to speak everything about you the day we met, and.. Yeah, we've shared pretty much as close friends. I'll always remember you, and if you stop talking to the thousands of boyfriends online and saying mushy stuff to them, I'll consider talking to you more in church. (: Alright, enough talk, study hard, and just know that you can come to me for anything, or if you simply wish to bore me with your voice. (: Derrick and Jicai ! You guys are great fun to hang out with, and would really brave any dangers for your friends. (: Welcome to church and though we would be seperated in different cells, I still hope that you two can come up with as much nonsense on Sundays. Maplestory doesn't actually catches my attention, but your adventures with Jeffery in that imaginary land cracks me up. And Jicai, Manchester United still rocks. (: Dwayne, I supposed you know we would be having bible study together and I hope to know you better as a friend. (: And you should bring Yuqi to church too ! (:

Angeline, Guifeng
The two girls that I find extremely comical when engaging Jeffery in a conversation. The small bits of conversation between us that I actually remembered was when Angeline was afraid to get sweets from the counter and pulled me along, and when Guifeng got bombarded by a gift from the birds in the skies of Sentosa. Keep being yourselves, and I'm sure there would be more of you to recall as the days go on. (:

Anna
The one I find to be someone who's really on fire and filled with passion for God, and yet still being a great friend with a sense of humour. I think that you would be a great leader in the futre and that you're really gifted in music ! I heard you on the piano when we came early, and if I'm not wrong, you were playing 100 years, Five For Fighting. And you're equally good on the guitar, when Jeffery handed you the guitar for you to take over the strings. N293 is proud to have you among us, and continue guiding us along the path to be more like Christ. (:

Hweemin
Hello ! Remember the day I offered you some flowers ? Or rather, the tennis racket that belonged to you. I've no idea why I came up with flowers and not just saying it's a tennis racket. (: I guess that's the only memory I have of you through the days I've been here, but we still talk when we meet and I thank you for always being so friendly to me. (:

Liyun, Liwen
Liyun ! (: Being the most entertaining person in N293 isn't exactly an easy thing to accomplish, and I wonder how you always come up with the silliest actions and words to humour everyone one in the cell. The way you always tease and play with Fiona makes me laugh, and your senseless jokes never fails to make me laugh. Like on the train when we're going to help out at the children church, you were the one making all the really weird but amusing jokes. And you do the weirdest things, like using Fiona's phone and sending me a message to get water for her, when you're just two metres away from me ! Thanks for all the joy and laughter you bring to N293 and keep coming up with amusing stuff. (: Liwen, you're just like your sister, always making everyone smile, but in a different way. The way you make everyone in the cell laugh and feel loved is just really special. And the way you cling to eveyone during thanksgiving was so cute. (: N293 won't be so much fun without you and your sister around. (:

Jeffery
You're the one who brought me to N293 and I thank you for that. You're a friend anyone would love to have, and you're a great brother to me too. We're still together in the same cell group, and in the same class in school. (: And I'm glad that you're always crazy and being the way you are. I thank you and Junle from the bottom of my heart, for the company, and for this great family. (:

Junle
Another of my classmates that I'm close to, and it's no different in church too. I thank you for always talking to me when everyone seemed so busy, and for everything we shared as friends whenever we head out together. You're simply a great brother, and I really thank you for that. (:

Fiona
Fiona ! (: You're someone who taught me so much, and being a great friend to talk to anytime, anywhere. You're really someone so special to me, the way you dont behave like a girl, yet there's something about you that tells me you're as much a girl as any other out there, just so much more special. I'm glad to be your entertainment everytime you're bored, and I'm thankful for the laughter you've brought me. You're just so silly, when your eyes shine so brightly when you see food, and the childish tone in you when you play your Xbox. Keep your hair long, it's really pretty. (: I still can't bear to eat the candy you gave me, and thanks so much for what you gave me during Christmas. Thank you for everything, and thank you for being who you are. (:

Leila
And finally, I've reached.. My wonderful cell group leader, Leila ! Thanks for listening to me spill out my problems, and thanks for making me feel so much at home in N293. I've really nothing more to say, except a big thank you for all you've done for each and every one of us, and that N293 loves you. (:

So denied, so I lied, are you the now or never kind.
In a day and a day love I'm gonna be gone for good again.
Are you willing to be had, are you cool with just tonight.
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well.

Put your name, on the line, along with place and time.
Wanna stay, not to go, I wanna ditch the logical.
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well.

All my time is frozen in motion,
Can't I stay for an hour or two or more,
Don't let me let you go.
Here's a toast to all those who know me all too well.

Here's to the nights we felt alive.
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry.
Here's to goodbye,
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon.

MERRY CHRISTMAS !

To the furthest ends of earth, I wish each and everyone a MERRY CHRISTMAS ! (:

To EVERYONE who gave me something for this wonderful day, be it a simple card or the plentiful sweets and chocolates, I thank you from the bottom of my heart !

To my FAMILY, though it's a simple dinner, I sure enjoyed everything. (:

To the FRIENDS I've always treasured, know that life's all about having great fun with you guys.

To God, thank You for the warmth of a family, though unlike others. For the friends You have placed in my life, they're everything I could ask for. Thank You for a great church to praise and worship You in, and I wish that wherever you are, up in heaven looking down on us, or down on earth prancing around white snow with little children, I wish that You too, have a MERRY CHRISTMAS. (:

Maybe it's childish and maybe it's wrong ,
But so is your blank stare in lieu of this song ;

I got my electric guitar. (:

Everyone say YAYE.

So, I've been playing with my brand new toy for the past hours, and yes, I can safely say I've found my true love. Thing is, Mxtabs had chosen a bad time to shut down on me and all I can do now is to meddle around with my limited knowledge of guitar tabs. But still, I'm overjoyed. (:

Holidays are coming to an end and I've yet to complete my homework. I lost my maths worksheet and I need the question on the composition. And regarding the newspaper cuttings, I've yet to find someone who reads the chinese newspapers daily. So, I guess this spells doom.

On second thoughts, my schoolwork hasn't been exactly outstanding.

I'm breathing in your skin tonight ,
Quiet is my loudest cry ,
Won't wanna wake the eyes that make me melt inside.

I still have not tasted sushi this holidays, and I don't think anyone eats sushi on Christmas.

I wonder why everyone's feeling moody these days. Hello, Christmas is arriving. Chirstmas speaks of joy and laughter. Of white snow, dozens of gifts, the aroma of turkey, and the sight of the grand Christmas tree. (:

Alright, the guitar's beckoning. I'm off. Goodbye.

I'll send you the rough draft, I'll seal it with tears.

And I'm still waiting for ,
You to be the one I'm waiting for ;

Days seem to crawl and fly, at the same time, that is. At home, it's pretty much a mess, and with the hangover of Additional Mathemactics in my head, together with the frequent quarrels, you get my point. Home isn't exactly a good place to be in during the holidays. And when you just wanna take a break form everything, you run into the room and hide under the pillow. Now, that's when the thoughts of school come in. Three more weeks and school's reopening. And no, I haven't done my homework yet.

These days in God's presence were really, really comforting. I can't explain it, and even if I did, few would understand. I just wanna thank God for everything He did. I know, everything would be just fine. (:

I'm heading out to run some errands. Goodbye.

And the sun still shines in the summer time ,
I'll be yours if you'll be mine ;

It's 2am in the morning.

I watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire today. As a movie, it's well, pretty good. But as one who reads and follows every single book, it's somewhat average. But who am I to judge it, cause no matter the quality, this movie still makes big bucks.

I miss Eve and Amadea, and the days spent studying. Awesome fun.

Think I'll have another glass of Mexican wine.

Mexican wine's constantly playing in my head these few days. After strolling by the wine cellar in the supermarket, I've this sudden urge to taste wine. Or champagne. Oh, one more thing. The way the wine bottles are arranged on the self, one knock and you'll find yourself forking out thousands of dollars paying for broken glass. The supermarket's so crafty, be careful around that area. (:

I'm desperately in need of new albums, I can't wait to get my pay. Then I'll spend and spend and spend. Speaking of which, I haven't been working for two weeks. (: That means I have to cut short my own Christmas list, unfaaair.

Yawn. Goodnight.

I never conquered , rarely came ,
16 just held such better days ;

With this post, I would like to voice out that I think Blink182's one of the most amazing bands I've ever heard, so there.

They've broken up, and yeah, what a pity. I mean, they churned out some of the best songs ever and look at them now. http://www.mtv.com/bands/b/blink_182/qa_feature_103105/?headlines=true

I think they're simply amazing. (: I love the way they bring out your emotions with their songs, and at they way they hit out at the world.

ANYWAY. A week had just ended, it wasn't totally enjoyable but heck. At least I earned myself cold, hard cash. I'm starting to get used to waking up early, I guess I needed that. I'm more awake these days, but tireddd. One more week, and I have to drag my pitiful self to school, sit at the desk, and stare blankly at my A-Maths paper.

I'm happy, look at me smile. (: I think I've saved up a somewhat decent amount of money. I wanna go hit the city and shop around ! I'm gonna spend my entire savings away in a single day, I'm gonna shop myself silly. (:

Days when I can still feel alive ,
When I can't wait to get outside.

Blink182's amazing. Totally.

What would you say ,
If I took those words away ;

This song never fails to melt me, be it the different versions churned out by different artists. So here I am, stuck at home listening to cheesy love songs. Yes, I am bored. Save me.

Since everyone had/has been blogging on their results, and since I'm so damn bored, ( if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. ) I'm here to whine about MY results. Be entertained.

I failed my Physics, a 39. And along with that, I got a 27 for my Additional Mathemactics. That's what I failed basically, and though I kinda predicted that, I'm still disappointed.

Like who wouldn't be, considering the fact that 27 marks out of a hundred is plain, frigging dumb.

At least, I passed overall. A measly 51%, just a little way over the dot.

I've switched back to this skin, along with the tagboard, links and all. Not that it mattered, seeing the dust that had settled over this ancient place. But I like everything to be pretty, pretty ! (:

On another note, the holidays had been okay so far. Though I'm trying hard to not remind myself of the upcoming Additional Mathemactics retest I have to take in a month's time. And seeing how I get to sleep late, while some of the others STILL have to go to school ( haha xD ), yes I know I'm lucky.

Oh, and Mum's constantly on my back, nagging me to work somemore. I hate working.

It's more than words ,
It's more than what you say ;

I love cheesy love songs.
They keep my mind off you.

An update, to keep things alive. (:

If only you could read what's on my mind ,
See right through my eyes ;

I'm back from Obs, and boy, was it fun. (: It's so much different from anything, and the camp just mixes all kinds of feelings together- like brewing potion in a cauldron.

I'll just pen down everything. Then one day, I'd just look back and smile at these memories.

The first day was pretty much unpacking stuff and admistration. And I was missing home a hell lot. Yes, already. Then I got picked to be in Hillary, and our instructor was.. Mauricette. (: I thought she's just like any other instructor who just wants you to complete the damn course but no, she wasn't and thank god for that. Anyway, we did some I forgot what it's called, and the day passed pretty quickly. Night came, and Amadea called. (: And hell, I couldn't sleep a wink that day.

The second day was packing and trekking and it was kinda difficult to get used to the heavy backpack which weighs like a million tonnes. We camped by the seaside, I think. And then we were asked to build a raft or something to go across the quarry. And we succeeded along with Cousteau. Yes, we were buddy groups. (: And I suspected something was going on about between our instructors. Hoho. Our pretty instructor and the somewhat-manhunt longhaired guy. Mm, and we swam and cleaned ourselves in the clear waters of the quarry. It's freshwater, and it's so clean and refreshing and the afternoon sun previously didn't really contribute much to our weary bodies.

Third day- We went over to Camp 1. And we were like, woah damn. The residential people sure have it good here. And then we were always trying to pick fights with the Singapore Sports School. The guys were like showing off their bodies and holding their heads high, and the girls were like, look at me, I'm so pretty. And we were turned off by their damn haughtiness. Anyway, we kayaked. Yay.

Fourth day, we rock climbed and played some games and the day went by really fast. We trekked back to Camp 2 and saw burnt people. Yes, really burnt. (: And then we were cursing out luck cause we couldn't kayak around the island but then again, we were relieved we weren't that burnt.

Admistration again on the fifth. And we found ourselves heading back to Singapore. Went out to Seoul Garden and ate with different people from different Obs groups and chatted about just everything. Went home and plop, deep slumber.

Alright done. I'm too lazy to add too much details. Anyway, I don't care what people say but our instructor was the best. She jogs everyday on the island before we wake up and that's like super early. And she's really like a kid, she giggles ! She always entertains herself with her own jokes and giggles away. And since I was always the last man, we talked alot. And I told her she was just like a kid. And guess what, she giggled again. (: Oh, she's like a mother. She brings us around like how every instructor does. But hey, she even cooks for us ! How cool is that huh. And she was the only instructor that brings her watch to watch the sunrise. (:

I spotted her talking to Gideon- Cousteau's instructor once. Then I walked over.

Me: " So, he asked you out on a date, huh ? "
Mauricette: -smacks me with broom she's holding- " No la ! Shoo, go help the others ! " -giggles-

And while trekking,

Me: " Eh you, stop giggling and entertaining yourself. "
Mauricette: -giggles- " WHAT. " -giggles-

By the way, she's 20 only, and damn cute. (:

Now for Hillary. Yeah there're always some people that just totally piss you off at times. Imagine hearing hokkien vulgarities every night, and his useless tentmates laughs at his not-so-funny language. And he's proud to admit that he wants to talk just like a typical coffeeshop chinese beng. And he shows off his ' hot bod ' but gave up halfway during rockclimbing, after which he laughed at others who can't climb. And the irony ? He's a prefect.

But then, there ARE more others who just makes the camp tolerable. (: And yeah, I haven't got much to say but our watch's just fantastic. With Cousteau. Absolutely. (: And of course, our instructors.

I think Obs was amazing, and I admitted I enjoyed it. So you, stop putting off others, you can't enjoy the camp if you just view yourself so high up. It's fine with me that you'd rather waste 5 days complaining shit and slacking away. But it's so not fine if you think it's funny by bitching about me. Go ahead and ask the entire camp. I'd bet everyone enjoyed themselves lest for you and those you've influenced. It's YOU that's thrash, not the camp.

I'm tired. I miss tons of people. I think I'll end this post now.

I badly wanna take back what I've said. If only you'd ever speak to me again.

I miss you. Yes, you. ):

Hillary, Mauricette, Obs. <3

And I'm somewhere in between ,
What is real and just a dream ;

Life can be cruel at times.

Just when you thought things were going smoothly, just when everything seemed in place, the world just have to come crashing down on you. Why can't I be perfect. Then, I would top the class in everything. Then, I would have everyone heaping praises on me. Then, at least, I could be worth a second glance.

I don't know. This world's just too fake.

It's all down to me. Me, me, and me. I'll show the world, I'll show everyone. You will see, that when pushed to the edge, one still can survive. If it's just plain misery the world wants me to experience, I'll show you real pain.

You mean too much. Darn it.

I'll show you. I'll show you hansheng.

You see, it's never good enough
To just leave or give up ;

Happy birthday, Kelly ! I've know you for some time now, and you're just about the greatest friend I've had. You give really good advice, and you've shown me your takes on life and taught me that the world really isn't all pretty and stuff. But then again, friends like you make it all worthwhile. (: There's so much to say, but I'd end it here. Have a wonderful birthday. <3

I'm gonna make the next 48 hours count. Man, I wish the exams would pass over quick. I could just die right now. Acids, bases, salt. Uh, add them with metals and you get what, hydrogen ? I'm tempted to write explosion. (:

Goodnight.

I'm tripping on words ,
You've got my head spinning ;

I'm back, and here's to me turning fifteen. (:
Happy birthday.

So I'm older by a year now. And yeah, I've gotta think more like an adult now, I've gotta stop behaving like a kid and stuff. No more candles, no more cartoons. Hoho. I guess, it's really time for me to grow up. I've seen so much these fifteen years, and learned so much too. I've grown to realise that the reason for our existence in this world, is to love. We were created out of love, and we're born to love. Yet it's one thing to say it, and another to actually do it. Cause when the world rears it's ugly head at you, there's no way out. All you can do, is to take whatever shit that's being thrown at you, pick yourself up, and brace yourself from another attempt to hold you down.

I'm gonna learn from these fifteen years. Surviving in this world isn't easy, it never was. When the only comfort you could ever find, is in your family, and maybe in your lover's eyes. But in the end, it's all down to you. You never know when fate's gonna deal another blow in your direction, you never know the future.

Cause it's you and me,
And all of the people with nothing to do.

You never know how a simple message you sent, how a short call to say happy birthday meant so much to me. Even though it hurts to know someone else's waiting on the other line, and that someone's always on your mind, I won't mind. I won't. Cause you never know how much you meant in my heart. <3

Okay. September 19th's gonna be over real soon. I'll miss the touch of the mouse, and the constant typing on the keyboard. But then again, the darn exams are nearing. Yeah, I know no matter how hard I study, I never do get the results I so badly want. I've got a feeling all these studying aren't gonna do much help.

I'm gonna learn You and Me ! One day, I'll just play it for you. <3

Thanks for the short smses, everyone. (: Thanks mum, thanks dad. (:
And thank you. <3

You can be my james dean ,
I'll be your sweet queen ;

Alright, the exams are staring me in the face and I haven't done anything much to get them off my back. So far, I've just been lazing through the entire holidays, and yeah, I'm feeling way guilty. The computer had been the #1 distraction, and I've been thinking of ways to destroy it. Hoho. I could put it in the fridge and let it freeze to its death, or I could dump in into a volcano and watch it sink into the lava. But nah, I came up with the perfect plan. I'm gonna cripple it, steal the mouse, and stuff it in some locker and then throw the key down the rubbish chute.

Okay, enough crap. I'd come back let's see, the 19th. To well, say happy birthday to myself and maybe, to check for mails. After which, I shall go back and delve into deep seclusion. Whoo. I'm gonna mug my ass off these few weeks. Boy, I'm gonna miss everyone. But then again, no one shall notice my disappearance, no one would care, and no one ever steps into this blog anymore. Pfft, nevermind.

Byebye Mr Computer. Hello, my tattered-and-torn books.

Wish me luck. (:

Just as long as I have you ,
Right here by me ;

And just how sweet is this song.

This whole week span of holidays have just been a bore. But heck, I won't wanna get back to school just yet. I've been trying to stay home, be a good boy, and study. But screw the distractions, I haven't acomplish nothing, not since the holidays started. And I've realised, that every now and then, people are dealt terrible blows, and others just don't know how darn lucky they are. Ah, fuck this, this world isn't a pretty place to be in.

If I was to be given a chance to leave this place, I won't stop to think twice. Trust me.

But the beauty of grace ,
Is that it makes life not fair ;

Yeah. So life's unfair. Surprise, eh.

Life has been pretty normal. Fact that Mrs Sng's back from childbirth just made us more aware of what lies ahead in the final year exams. Ah, math's one subject I totally loathe. Plus, lessons are so predictably boring that I hardly could keep my eyelids from shutting these days. Except for the occasionals fights between classes during after-lessons, nothing much's quite worth the attention. But that's beside the point, I'm on Operation-Mug-Hard. And harder. And harder still. I've been failing practically everything. I won't mind a blissful change.

There you are. And off I go.

I'll draw in pencil ,
So you can trace with pen ;

This is one entry that i did countless of backspacing. To sum it up. I went to catch the fireworks, and blend into the national day fever. Sea of red, wherever you go. Had seafood, after which, we went home.

I haven't got any idea what to say. But I hate you for doing this. I wish you'd go far away, so far that I wouldn't even know you ever existed, that I could convince myself this was just a bad dream.

Get lost.

Tell the world that He died for them ,
Tell the world that He lives again ;

FOP was simply AWESOME.

Went on friday, and I could really feel the presence of God in there. It was reallyreallyreally great. The first ever time I could feel Him so strongly. I shoulda have gone today ! Shucks. But everyone ended up real tired after morning service.

Hillsongs, Delirious. I can't wait to hear them again.

Fling wide you heavenly gates !
Prepare the way of the Risen Lord.
Open up the door and let the music play.
Let the streets resound with singing !

I haven't got time to really type all these nowadays. I'm somehow, tired of penning down these thoughts. Anyway, tons of things happened over the past weeks. Which I'd rather not post it, due to the laziness I somehow developed along with the passing of time. (: Goodbye !

One Way- Jesus !

My eyes could only speak so much.

Have you ever seen your sunset ,
Fade beneath a raincloud ;

My computer's down. Wonder when it's gonna be repaired. So here I am, using the laptop. Hah, I'm getting wonderful results this term. Like woah, not yet a test which I failed. Instead, beautiful marks acheived. This's the one motivation- I'm gonna build on these results.

And what the hell. I nearly got that dreaded pink form on friday. I got away, but then a complaint email was sent to my form teacher. Walao. I'm so gonna get it from her on monday. Heh, but friday was in fact, fun. Cos I came up with the oh-so-great idea of sneaking into the chij drama night that day. Hey, don't look at me. I found out that half of the people up on the second floor sneaked in too. Haha. And the girls still let everyone in. Oh well. Okay, the skit they put up were uh, kinda boring. But the twist in the story was unexpected. So yeah, it's was pretty much alright.

I wanna switch to another church. Mm, I don't want to. Since I grew up in this church. Fond memories, but somehow. It just isn't as heartwarming in there now. Heh, I'm sorry. Anyway. I'm wondering if I should switch to City Harvest Church. Or maybe, Meltee's church. I don't know. Gah.

Community centres in singapore are plain stupid. They're located in hard-to-reach places. I've to like, travel a million miles before I could reach my destination. Okay, not a million miles that long, but yeah, you get my point. Now, should I enrol ?

The sparkle of light, you are to me.

Here comes the rain again ,
Falling from the stars ;

I flunked my physics test yet again. Ah, oh well. Haha. Had great fun yesterday. To keep it short, had soccer training. After which we went over to Desmond's house. Guitar, computer, PS2, food, drinks. One word- fun. Haha. And before we went back, we gathered up in the top room and played wake me up when september ends.

Cancelled training today. Since we had one yesterday. So I slept till 12. Anyway, the competition's just next week. It's like so damn fast. I love martini kiss. Thanks to Kelly who sent it to me a few months back. Haha. And I love my guitar to bits. Though I'd buy another one soon. Oh, and Redhill Market's opened today. Like finally, yay. Randomness. (:

There, I blogged. Jane, the not so great. Haha. I'mma go play the guitar now. Bye.

It does matter. Alot. ):

And all my sandcastles ,
Spend their time collapsing ;

I watched fantastic four today ! My childhood heroes, yay. (: and I realised that blue eyes are so frigging cool. Damn pretty okay. I want. (:

I like Johnny Storm ( Chris Evans ) ! I like his I-don't-give-a-damn attitude. And he's damn cool ( or hot ), like who has the ability to turn into a supernova, equivalent to the sun ? And gosh, he has blue eyes. (x

Switchfoot- Let that be enough. It's really nice, go listen. I'm dead beat, after soccer today. There, I'm yawning now. Church tomorrow ! I'm heading to bed- soon !

A hint of sweet love, in the air. (:

But without you ,
All I'm going to be is incomplete ;

Ladies and gentlemen. Behold, the gravity-defying coin ! Look on and stare in amazement now ! Fly coin, fly ! PLOP.

... Walao.

Music from Backstreet Boys and Westlife ! Haha, I'm hooked to them again ! Especially ' Incomplete '. Songs by them are currently playing in the background. (: Like, who listen to punk rock on sucha cold, draggy evening, drenched in golden warm sunshine. xD

In life, everywhere, people seek love. But where else could one uncover greater hurt than what love brings. Yet people still continue the endless search for just that one similar thing- love. Maybe, just maybe. The feeling of being loved far surpasses the hurt it brings alongside, the memories of loving erase off the upcoming dreadings of hurt. Romance novels, love tragedies, we've heard them all. But what you hear and what you feel are two different stories altogether. When a gripping warm sensation grab you, hard. That is when you can say, this is love.

Mm. Enough talk, I'mma go study for my physics practical exam ! And homework too. Yes I know. Hardworking, eh. I know. ><

All I've ever search for in life, is you. ):

I've been the needle and the thread ,
Weaving figure eights and circles round your head ;

Right, so Jane convinced me to blog. Like how I did few days back. Haha, look. I'm blogging, nehh. (x

Oh, happy birthday Joyce ! >< ( If you're reading this, haha. Yes, I know I'm nice. ) Yay, I grew 1cm. And I'm 168cm now, all hail hs. Haha. And 54kg to add to the count. Which is, I don't know, considered okay I guess. School- I frigging screwed up the first physics test. but I kinda did well for the chemistry practical exam. And lessons are pretty boring, since when has there been anyday without maths and english. When everything turned to chaos following the ring of the bell signaling the next period. Who would have imagined the class shivering in fright just a term back, whenever it's maths lessons. But aye, lky ( new maths teacher ) just sucks la. Shit this term, I shoulda just give up on maths. Spent the morning coaching the class team. Haha, with the help of others of course. Fun, after which we went for some lan. Oh and yes, watched Initial D yesterday, eight o'clock movie with the clique. Damn, was it nice. Haha. Tomorrow there's some milk run project going on which includes the class. So I can say byebye to my late morning sleep. Pfft. Gonna miss church too. And monday, I guess, includes a trip to sentosa.

I've let go, pretty much.

All the words were in my heart ,
They went unspoken ;

The first day of school. And it was pretty much rubbish the whole day. Things seem to have taken a whole new change. a bad one, though. The new maths teacher speaks in alien language. When he explains, he makes things worse. Go figure.

Stuff to study for :
1. Geography test.
2. Physics test.
3. Chemistry practical exam.

You're a bitch ,
But I love you anyway ;

Mm, that was one helluva song. Bowling For Soup - The Bitch Song. Go listen, it simply kicks ass. (:

Anyway. I just somehow got the feeling to blog. Though I've got nothing much to talk about. Bbq was okay i guess. Just an ordinary one, with lan, soccer. That's about it. Note to albert : If you're reading this, haha. You'd better remember that ole` trick I did on you. (x Cause it was pretty darn cool. Went home after that, and now I got a frigging headache.

Haha. Somehow, I'm being mean to everyone nowadays. (:

Ah, I can't think shit now. It's darnit painful. Argh. And school's near to reopening. Mm. I think I shall stop for now. I'mma pop some panadols and head for sleep !

I don't know. Really. ):

Someday we'll know ,
If love can move a mountain ;

Mm, chalet updates. (:

Met up- bicycle kiosk. As usual, here's the list of everyone present. Carey, Karen, Floren and Marsha. Donovan, John, Zw and me. Got bikes ( $5 for an entire day ), which were pretty much cheap. Cycled there and tried to help out with the unpacking. For some weird reason, Zw turned into some kind of model housewife, while the three gays ( Don, John and me ) looked on, and tried to help. And Karen was laughing and laughing, cause we've really got nothing to do. Aye, we tried. (x

After which, we had lunch. And to make this short, we went for bowling and some arcade games. Had fun there, the lady at the counter speaks in some funny accent. (: Night fell, there was night cycling and some truth or dare. I think, with ' Murderer ' included. Games that bored people came up with. Haha. Dinner was cup noodles plus, chips and snacks. Ghost stories were next and well, we headed for bed. The one hour sleep plan failed, haha. Halfway through the night, Karen wasn't feeling well. Carey went to look after her and I tagged along. Haha, y'know something ? This pair of twins are really, really close. (:

Tried to force Carey to sleep, while I hardly caught a wink of sleep. Mm. And I got hurt. Haha nevermind. (x Karen got better, dawn came, alongside the rain. Then I headed up to bed. When I came down, I saw the bubbly Karen smiling. Haha. Then uh, Marsha was engrossed with musical chairs, while john and Carey entertained them. Checked out and cycled back, the three gays sped away but somehow, the rest of them were ahead of us. Haha, we sound so stupid la.

Went to Don's house. Watched ' shutter '. Eerie show, brr. Oh, and all of us were sleeping all over the place on the way there. (: You could enter the bus we were on, and see the back seats occupied with sleepyeyed teenagers. Haha. (:

Mm, thanks for everything. For the fun, joy and laughter we've had enjoyed together. And I realised too, that sometimes, I can't help but fall. ): Ah well, at least no one knew what I meant. (:

I finished E-maths. Keyboard's somehow fixed. Life's good, though it had been better. Holidays are soon to be over, but oh well. Eve's back, and she's as sweet as ever. Haha, thanks for the call. Kelly sweet's recovering too ! Yay. Now, time to get that pile of homework done.

Gah, this post's seemed so, weird. Nevermind. I'll update soon.

leave this fantasy ;


[ edit ]
famous quotes -

Carey : " I'm the chiobu. Thank you thank you. "

Karen : " Limited vocabulary is like that one. "

Marsha : " Eh, play musical chairs again leh ! "

Floren : " Snoooooore. "

Tingting : " ... ... John is the gong ji tou one. "

Donovan ( throws cards and tried to catch ) : " Shit ! I nearly did it ! @$#!!#?! "

John ( stares at bowling ball ) : " What the.. ?! "

Zw : " More beehoon please. " & " Want more orange juice ? "

Me : " Eh, don't laugh. That's my childhood hero. "

Hahaha. (:

If you could be my punk rock princess ,
I would be your garage band king ;

I quit working. And so I get to experience the joy of sleeping in again. (: Which so totally rock. Mm, I think I earned around 400 dollars or so.

Seems like everyone's gone to camps and overseas trips. I miss everybody. Gah. I'm supposed to complete my homework today. But I'm hooked onto the computer. Andand, the projects seem impossible to complete. However, I'm still procrastinating. Yay. Shoot me. ><

I'm soSO in love with Something Corporate. Lovely music. I want their CD. Who won't ? (:

You hardly ever visit this blog. So why the hell do I care. Why don't you stop being so sweet and everything. I just want you outta my mind.

though i'd run a thousand miles to get you. ):

Put away your tears ,
And your sleepy eyes ;

Work isn't all that great. It's tough and boring. Really. Though I would prefer work to school. But I learnt alot today. I didn't knew all these kinda stuff actually existed. (:

And I like talking to old friends. Like Yixuan. She took the time to actually talk to you about the past. And alot more. Haha. And she still has the watch ! And Mel's got this absolutely fantastic quote that just totally describe what we both were feeling- look below. And Anita, my punching bag pal. Thanks for listening to me whine ! And albert for your stupid testimonials. Pavan too, for all those soccer stuff we always talk about. Kelly, angel silly. You really gotta take care. You mean alot to me. I don't wanna see you leave anyday, alright ? Nat, my gay whimsical partner. You gotta cheer up too. And yes, Eve. My retooded friend. I'll be your retarded squirrel anyday, yeah ? And we'll just talk the night away. Andand, just everyone out there. You guys make my world. And that's about all. <3

I'll just sit and wait. (: It's okay. So long you flash that smile of yours this way. Mm. Andand, yeah la. I wanna be more than special. But then, I'll wait, yes I will. (:

Cause you're the star on the christmas tree.

Haha. I like today. Not the whole of it. But just the parts when you know out there, there are people who care about you.

And I'll be waiting, waiting and waiting.

Do I have to spell it out ,
In black and white ;

I'm gonna work. Tomorrow ! And I'm so not looking forward to it. But gah, I've got no choice.

Today, it seems, I've got lots to say. Like how I'm dreading tomorrow. Andand, I've got this stupid feeling of jealousy. Sure, I said I didn't care much for jealousy. But then, what I say isn't what I feel. I may not know much, but I can see it doesn't really.. fall in place. I don't know. Maybe so. Like, what the hell. I hardly know you. So why this fjksag-ing feeling? I was never part of the puzzle, just a superfluous piece.

Let's carry on. To the next matter- I choose the friends I hang out with. I choose the friends I share things with. I choose the friends that showed true care. So if you're one of those people that go, who's he who's her, I'm telling you, shut up. Cause thing is, they're just friends.

There ! (:

This is your life ,
Are you who you wanna be ?

Have you ever really tried being, yourself ?

I realised, in this world, few people are actually themselves. As in, they live the world for others. They're somewhat copies of another. It's scary, really.

Including you and me.
And everyone else.

I wonder if anyone understood what I wrote. Doesn't matter. This is.. planet Earth, home to the human race.

Look, do you actually believe one could actually be perfect ? No flaws, nothing ? Sheesh.

Go think about it. Yes, go. Don't feign ignorance. You know it. Oh sure, I believe. I believe you're perfect.

Perfect my ass.

Let me be the one ,
Telling you it's alright ;

I love little adorable hyperactive pinchable-cheeks kids !
Alot alot ! (:

Things that happened yesterday :
1. Basketball - Tiongbahru CC.
2. Taxi-snatching competition.
3. Bowling - Kimseng Plaza.
4. Dinner - Great World City.
5. Pool - Queenstown Stadium.
7. Stupid fjksade-ing headache.

Die, stupid headache, DIE. ):

Yay, it's been long since everyone went out together.
I like yesterday, some way or another. (:

I still love litle kids alot ! (: -nods-

I'm more than a bird , I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train ;

Champions league final outcome : Liverpool FC 3 AC Millan 3 Liverpool win 3-2 on penalties (:

The match was largely in AC Milan's favour, the defence wasn't much outstanding in the first half. 3-0 down in the first half, yet they continued to fight on. 3 goals in 6 minutes, truly impressive. And then, it got to 3-3.

Steven Gerrard - the opening goal in the second half. Being the one inspiring his teamates to this result. His tackles were amazing. To me, he's the man of the match.

One hell of a match, this final is. And, Dudek was a joke, haha. That dance of his was darn funny.

Anyway, there isn't school today. There is parents-teachers meeting. And I got this darn physics article reflection. Doppler effect, what in the world is that.

So I will not forget ; I will not forget

Yay. Today's a holiday ! (:

Church was superfun yesterday. We learnt about self control. And the worship was great. God's presence came. Then, we went over to plaza singapura to join the others at around 6 plus. Haha, they were spraying addidas woman's scent at the guys. sensual, they call it. (x

Argh, I got mixed feelings about June. I gotta work, and I'm gonna miss out on lotsa stuff.

QUOTE: jealousy, turning saints into the sea. eve says: but travis is more OMGG!! WHAT A HOT NAME! -hyperventilates. eventually faints-
I conclude she's back to normal. (:

And what the hey, I rediscover the joy of reading again. (: